English "Dodgy" ball time! Someone was going down! When I lived in Seoul, Korea I became very aware of a certain phrase, "FIGHTING!" Sometimes it sounded more like "Hwaiting!" since there really isn't a "f" sound in the Korean language. I first heard it when I was watching Korean Dramas. If someone was having a "hard time" and felt "a burden" another kind person who noticed their "hard time" would say "Fighting!" or if they need that super kick, "Ajah! Ajah! Fighting!". It was like a super boost of encouragement. I used this phrase very often. Sure my time in Korea was amazing but it wasn't absent of rough days or supreme frustrations. I have a very independent personality and never see myself subordinate to anyone. Hell, I consider myself to be the real President (sorry Obama). I frequently use terms like sovereign and self-important to help others understand me with all the seriousness in the world, universe, and galaxies beyond. I am my CEO, boss, supervisor, President, Queen, King, God, Goddess, etc in all situations. If I am not interested in leading, then I am an independent consultant or contributor. So you can imagine how that way of being was received by collectivist, hierarchical, South Korea. Some say modern day Korean culture is more like American culture in the 1950's. I like to think that is not true but sometimes I really wondered. Despite this, I met some amazing people who did their best to support me and understand me (they even prayed for me) but with all the support in the world I still had to do the real work to make my time there magical. The first thing I did was made a decision to love the children unconditionally. I LOVED them (still do) and told them so everyday. I also loved the people I worked with and I am sure they felt it. I then changed my teaching style to smiling all of the time and being committed to having fun everyday. One day I was posing for a portrait and my friend asked me if I was getting tired holding my smile and to my shock my answer was no. Smiling became my default expression. I knew it was effective when the students were checking themselves because "Ms. Kiki is not smiling". I also made sure that I kept all school related stuff at school. Outside of school, I made my time with friends and with myself precious. We truly had a blast and I even learned how to swing dance (and I am good). When I first started, I was so committed to being a good teacher it was painful. I wanted to be perfect and I was beyond stressed out. My mother would tell me to relax and have fun but I was convinced I didn't know how to do it. I was taking work home which has always been a big "no no" in my book. My Co-teacher would always tell me to "take a rest". I was out of control. To feel better and rid myself of a reoccurring headache, I found myself chanting with the nuns and monks at my nearby mountain temple a few times a week. I was also being counseled by the monks afterwards. The temple time just helped me sleep at night. It wasn't until I let it all go and made the decision to be love on two legs did everything change. I stopped "caring" about everything. My concept of "caring" was really just fear of everything going "wrong" and it was spoiling a perfectly good time. So this brings me back to "Fighting"...Well after a long day it wouldn't be uncommon for fellow teachers to complain about their lives or something that would stress them out. I must admit I was guilty of this in the beginning. But what I found to be most interesting was after my twenty minute complaining session it also wouldn't be uncommon for a teacher to simply say, "Fighting!". Call me a "simple betty" but that was what made everything alright for me. It was what also made me stop complaining and start finding solutions because if after everything I said all you have for me is "Fighting!" then I need to figure something out because clearly it isn't that bad. If you are having a rough day, week, month, year, or life I say to you, "Fighting" and if you need a little warrior cry, "AJAH! AJAH! FIGHTING!". Now go get butt-naked and run around screaming that to the top of your lungs...even if it is just in your imagination. I personally imagine myself with a stick smashing things while doing my warrior lap...and there may be some howling involved (no faeries die in this process). After you are done with that, "take a rest", set some clear boundaries for yourself, fill yourself with love and enjoy! oh and then contact me for some of that good stuff aka healing energy...ha ha ha ha!
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I am sure most people have heard that in order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. In the past, whenever I heard this, I would always nod my head in agreement. It made perfect sense, of course, you must love yourself. I thought I did love myself ....or maybe I never even considered it on my list of things I had to do. It wasn't until after a few failed relationships I started to reevaluate this so-called love I had for myself. That statement came back again and this time I listened even harder and asked my ego to take a backseat. There wasn't any head-nodding this time, just stillness and a little shock. Maybe I didn't really love myself, but now that I know that, I am going to get on it. Yes indeedy! Let me get right on it...After marching off to get started, I realized I really didn't know how or where to even begin this love affair. Google to the rescue! After lots of reading and searching, I started the mirror technique. I would look in the mirror for about 5 minutea, deep into my eyes and say, "I love you." It was hard at first and there were times I couldn't actually go through with it. Sometimes I cried tears of joy and sadness. It was hard to distinguish between the two. Eventually I was having near orgasms when I looked in the mirror. I still get a little excited. I am getting excited just thinking about it...But that isn't the point of this entry. Essentially, I did mantras, prayers, treated myself to good food, bought a cute dress, went on adventures, and whatever else that was recommended and I felt the love....I did, but there was still something off. The love didn't really reach me to my core and I really didn't know how to do that. I was in love with the me who lives in this material world, but the real me, I was still ignoring. So when it came down to it, I still didn't know how to love ME. When I first became attuned to Reiki, I felt a sense of love that I never felt before. My heart felt mushy (still does) and I wanted to hug strangers and cradle them in my bosom (maybe just the babies). A love portal truly opened up inside of me and even though it was a new feeling, I also knew it was always there. I only had glimpses of it before. It forced me to go back to understanding what it means to truly love myself and all of the things that got in the way. So what did I figure out? What has been the pathway towards true love for me? Wait for it... LISTENING, CREATIVITY, and ACTION. Love is a feeling but 'to love' is an action. It is something that you share. I had to realize that I truly am in a relationship with myself and looking in the mirror and buying myself nice things weren't going to cut it. I had to go deeper. I had to listen to my inner voice and give to her, honor her, appreciate all of the unconditional love she gives me. So with the energy of Reiki (which is like a love expressway), I have learned to go in and listen. I meditate and ask questions. I listen...and then I create. I create a world for myself through writing, art, and communication that echos the love I hear in my heart, the love that is given to me unconditionally. It takes a lot of trust and effort to do this, to write the words that I write to myself, to make the things I make for myself, to give to a place without any limitations or rules, and to know that I am loved for all of it. Creating my heart song is truly my greatest act of self love. It the truest love I could give myself and as I have learned it comes back and gets deeper and deeper. Love truly is a journey. If you made it this far...hahaha... What is your greatest act of self love? How do you love yourself? Can you look into your eyes and say "I love you" without looking away? Reiki has truly taken me on a journey. I can’t say if it forced or facilitated my journey within, but regardless I find myself in this wondrous exploration of who I truly am. For years I have heard various spiritual teachers and messengers telling people to “go within”, “all of our answers are within”, but the concept seemed so abstract. I couldn’t understand how to go within. Where was within? One night I decided I was going to figure it out. Some Reiki teachers will say that the most important part of having a Reiki practice is that the practitioner is actively healing themselves. I deeply agree with this. I never considered how many bodies I have until I had to use Reiki on not only my physical body but my spiritual, mental, and emotional bodies as well. Before I go to bed, after I send Reiki energy out to those who have asked for it or those who may need it, I give myself a Reiki session. That night I wanted to go within and so I sent Reiki energy to that effort, not sure of what the results would be. I started by simply observing my thoughts and I began to wonder their location. They were within. I then thought of my ancestors and when I sensed them. Where were they? Within. I observed my feelings. Where were they? Within. Everything was within. My concept of spirituality, divine power, loved ones who have transitioned, thoughts, feelings, memories, all the things that comprised me were within. That meant that I am all of those things. I then pushed it a little further and sought to know something that I thought I didn’t know. If I am all of these things then I must be knowledge as well. So I began to search for this bit of knowledge that I wanted to obtain within and I found it. It revealed itself to me quite easily. Of course that was just my beginning but it has helped me demystify a great amount of teachings and information I have come across the years. I am sharing this to inspire those who are trying to do the same and for those who never considered it as a possibility. Is Reiki a prerequisite? Of course not. Reiki is my personal journey as a healer and artist. You only need a desire and openness to know that yourself is waiting for you to “go within”. I promise that you will not be disappointed. |
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